Thursday, December 13, 2007
I can still recall how anxious I was everytime the phone rang -- or when it didn't! I would patiently wait by the phone for calls in the morning, after lunch and before going to sleep, and faithfully call my best friends everyday even if we've seen each other all day at school! When I got too impatient I'd even pick up the receiver to check for a dialtone, or call the other person's landline to check for a ring (predecessor ng missed calls hehe)!
There were times in the summer when my parents would actually call the neighbors' phones to check up on us kids because the line was always busy (wala pang call waiting nun) -- and that was because we were 3 teenagers hogging the line all day, not just for phone conversations but for dialup internet as well! As if telebabad weren't enough, we succumbed to the novelty of ICQ and MIRC, and enjoyed the convenience of Edsamail!
As communication channels continue to diversify and with webphone and mobile call rates dropping, they say that the landline will soon be a thing of the past. But it played such a significant part of my wonder years that I think I won't be able to give it up just yet.
Now only if the wireless landline units weren't so bulky...
Monday, December 10, 2007
Lovely. I went home right after a Sunday recollection to take my mom to church and take a long, much needed rest, when I found my nephew, D, sitting in my father's TV couch. Akala ko Monday pa date namin -- he decided to take a chance and made a surprise visit. Buti pala maaga ako umuwi.
We spent the rest of the afternoon and early evening installing pc games and playing each and every one of them...haaay. Hindi pala ako magaling magdrive ng monster truck!! Pero magaling ako sa memory games.
When it was time to go home, D was feeling a bit down and asked if he could just spend the night at my house. Actually, I was expecting P to visit after dinner but I couldn't resist his Bambi eyes when he asked. So we called his mom to ask permission and she said yes! We got his jammies, gave him a bath and tucked him in, and made sure he was sleeping soundly before P arrived...baka umiyak e -- or worse, sipain nya si Joy on the other side of the bed!
When P finally called to tell me he was on his way, I felt sooo tired already that I almost said nothing the whole time he was home -- nakatulugan ko nga yata siya at some point (sorry, P). Tsk, tsk. It's hard to make time for two guys Anyway, he just dropped by to pick up some stuff and to give my something to deposit at the bank the following day and had to leave early din kasi duty siya sa hospital from 830am Monday (today) till 830am Tuesday (tomorrow). So off he went and I was back in my bed with an oddly angled little figure that gave me absolutely no comfortable sleeping space. Good luck to me!
D woke up this morning surprised to find he was all alone in my room until he went outside and saw me park the car. I bought him his fave McDo breakfast which we ate together with my dad and watched a bit of Nick Jr. before I dropped him off at his place. Later, I'll be going to Eastwood and watch him perform with his classmates on "Harana Night" at 5pm.
So now, I gotta catch some zzzz's before I see this guy again for a third date =)
Saturday, December 08, 2007
We have another date on Monday =)
"Masaya ka naman ngayon sa pinili mo, di ba?", I asked a friend.
"Malaya ako," he replied, eyes smiling.
I'll be moving to another branch in 3 weeks. Halos 1 month ko ring pinag-isipan, pero di ko inakalang ganito kabilis ang mga pangyayari. Kasi naman, sa birthday party ako unang tinanong nonchalantly, "Gusto mo bang lumipat ng branch?" At ako naman sagot ng "Why not?", kasi ganun naman ako kapag tinatanong ng tungkol sa pagbabago. Adventurous kuno.
And then, early this week, naganap sa cellphone lang after office hours ang "interview" which started and ended with one question: "Gusto mo ba talagang lumipat?"
And I said, "Yes," and that was all it took for them to pick me. They called my team moments later, also via mobile, to advise them that I have "expressed interest in rotating". At, ilang minuto lang, nakumpirma na at ipinasa na ang pangalan ko sa HR for the official announcement.
Napaorder tuloy ako ng Super Dry.
Feeling ko ngayon I've been keeping myself busy and around a lot of people so I wouldn't have time (or energy) to really explore my emotions about this career shift. Buti na lang haggard ang December for singers. Busy-busyhan mode ako.
Masaya ako because I'll be reunited with an old boss, and it's more convenient now for me to meet with friends (and P) since I'll be at the heart of the city -- wala nang takas, paglabas lang ng office, gimikan na! Career-wise, I'll be more exposed to high-end clients and have better opportunity for selling more sophisticated investments. But, I'm also feeling a bit down because I'll be leaving my beloved team, my super kulit clients who are like family to me, and the home that we -- the original team -- built together to become one of the most promising branches of the bank. I'll miss dancing in the lobby during dead hours, PCD, Michael Jackson and Madonna singing from the tellers' counter, do-it-yourself cappuccinos, ginisang munggo from Pintsek on Fridays, yakisoba and pandesal in the morning, my 7-minute trip from house to office...ang dami pala!
But, as our district head told me before she gave the thumbs-up, wala nang balikan 'to. Hinihintay ko na lang yung araw na pag tinanong ako kung masaya ako sa pinili ko, masasabi ko nang nakangiti,
Monday, December 03, 2007
Was looking for dessert in the fridge when I chanced upon a bag of Hershey's Kisses. Only after having my third piece did I notice the special messages. Cute!
The one on the lower left reminds me of a funny slip-up...happy birthday! ;P
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Had a very enriching weekend with Hangad in Culion, Palawan. Didn't have much pictures (or at least not much with people) because I was so engrossed in the scenery and the excitement of the activities. I'm sure the next few days will bring more pics from Hangad to show the fun times.
More than the laughs, the sea adventures and the steep stairways (I am sooo out of shape!), what I remember most about this trip is the true meaning of seeing God in the goodness of others, and what is so extraordinary about it is how such goodness springs from the history of Culion's people.
Culion was, for the longest time, a leper colony reservation. FIlipinos afflicted with leprosy from all over the archipelago were transported to this Palawan island as mandated by the Segregation Law on Leprosy in 1906. To be sent to Culion then would be like a death sentence; never to return to one's family, doomed to rot in the menacing hands of the disease with no hope for recovery or even a graceful restoration of physical beauty.
The island has electricity for only 12 hours (or less if a brownout occurs), and water is rationed once a day. No clubs, fancy restos, or a Starbucks -- the closest thing we got were sari-sari stores that sold 3-in-1 coffee, Hansel crackers and a bottle of Bailey's. Townsfolk are tucked in their beds by 8pm, and the crime rate is close to zero. It has none of the luxuries of city life as we know it; and it clearly pointed out to me how unimportant those luxuries are for one to live a simple yet fulfilling life. It seems as though no one is pitiful in Culion; perhaps it was learned from past generations that one's worth or happiness is not measured by what is seen.
What they offered us would be modest against our standards, but it humbled me so to realize that they gave all they could unselfishly with neither pride nor shame.
Hangad shared its music to Culion to impart the message of God's salvation and love, yet I realize that we learned more from Culion about God's saving grace by surviving its dark past, and the outpouring of unconditional love manifested in the warmth of its people. They evangelized us with their honest, happy everyday lives, which reflected the presence of Jesus without having to say (or sing) a word of scripture. And that is something I hope we all take to heart.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Saturday, September 08, 2007
"For the baby, huh?"
"Yep, I'm going to Bulacan today for the weekend to see the little tyke."
"Expensive, isn't it? I bet you buy those at least 3 times a week. That's why I've been putting off getting married or having children...ang mahal!"
"Well, that's a small price you pay for the joy it brings," he said, eyes sparkling at the thought of seeing his wife and 3-month old baby again after 5 long weekdays in Manila.
"Eh susuwayin ka rin naman niyan paglaki niya!" I blurted out while bookkeeping the balancing items for the day. He smiled, somewhat amused at my jaded perspective on an otherwise happy thought.
But it's true, isn't it? All of us have at some point given up some habits or luxuries for us to savor the greater happiness of committing to something, like paying for the house utility bills every month, or to someone, like a new child or a romantic relationship. We can't just help but wish, though, to have at least one day to break free from the worrying, boring person we have (had to) become before we fall into the abyss of looking at everything as an obligation to fulfill.
Be it an occassional splurge at Zara, a stick of Philip blue menthol in the middle of the day, or a night out with a couple of girls at Decades, it is a necessary self-affirmation that the individual, fun-loving kid inside of us is alive. Going out of your image box once in a while is like a whiff of fresh air (well, smoke spewing out of your mouth after a yosi puff isn't exactly fresh air but you get my drift), so that when you peer into the life you have brought yourself into, you have a renewed sense of engagement -- you commit yourself to it because you really want to instead of just doing these things because it's what you've been doing these past few years. And you go back to watching your budget for baby's milk or just watching DVDs at home instead of spending another evening of drinking and dancing in Temple because it's great to be home.
Or maybe I'm just rationalizing. =)
Monday, September 03, 2007
It was one of the many things we did in UP the day he said we'd go out painting. Actually the entire painting portion of the day took less than an hour because it started to rain hard and we had to pack up. We went back to the parking lot to drive for lunch when we saw a familiar car -- a blockmate was in campus! We called him and met him at the psych dept lobby with his girlfriend. Apparently they had their own "UP date", visiting the different buildings and foodtripping along the way =)
While we were still in the lobby we saw another blockmate going down the stairs, interviewing a kid near the photocopier. Unfortunately she was unable to go out for lunch, but we came back for her after eating.
We had a late lunch at Friulli (tama ba yun?), a small Italian resto across Ababu in UP Village. Masarap doon, prices are reasonable, and that's where I've had the best blueberry cheesecake I've ever tasted (or was it just because it was such a lovely day?). There we met up with yet another blockmate (haha reunion na ito) and conspired to complete the barkada before the day ended. We almost did -- only 2 were not able to make it (unless we count our dear Kevin whom we have not seen since our grad photoshoot) -- when we had isaw and kwekwek across International Center (it's the stall that used to be near Balay Kalinaw), and finally dinner at Chocolate Kiss amidst a concert featuring school bands from the Philippine Dental Students Association at the Bahay ng Alumni (the band members had nice teeth and, well, nice teeth). Got home by 11pm, tired but certainly satisfied!
It was good -- not exactly the date I had in mind, but it was fun nonetheless! What was great about that day was that we weren't the stressed out employees that we are 5 days a week; we were just blockmates who happened to bump into each other's free time. It was as though we borrowed a Saturday from 1999 -- and savored every minute of it!
Monday, August 27, 2007
How's this for spontaneity: he asked me out for watercolor painting on Saturday morning!
(o, jowi, buti hindi trip to manila zoo diba? bwahahaha! ;P )
It's funny to have this all of a sudden, what with the entry I just posted yesterday. I'm actually scared to bits since I don't have the talent for drawing or painting, but he says if the abstract artists could splatter paint on a canvas and call it art and get away with it, how couldn't I?
Bahala na nga. I think I'll just busy myself with preparing sandwiches on Friday night so it'll be just like a picnic...and if all else fails with my artistic attempts, at least the food will be great hehehe ;)
But the jitters could be due to the fact that this is probably the date I've been waiting for :)
I do, sometimes. It's because I get caught up in moments that I am in awe of the fortune bestowed upon me that I have this person who loves me and that I've found him early (enough) in life. And I tell him countless times that I'm happy we're together in words that could challenge the cheesiest heart-shaped Hallmark valentine card.
Once the orchestra decrescendoes the romantic score, he'd smile and give a quick "me, too" and start asking me if my car's due for another preventive maintenance check at the service center. The music zips.
It's not that he's not demonstrative (batchmates voted us the PDA-est couple when we graduated from college), but I guess he's just not up to playing Romeo every single time that I bring out my inner Juliet. I've gotten used to his secret acronym codes that he replies to me over the phone even if there's no one within earshot to eavesdrop on our conversations. His idea of romance nowadays is telling me to wear my seatbelt or to stop using the cellphone when I'm driving. He hates it when I rant about my bad day, and will not make an effort to hide it. He is especially clueless when I complain about my weight or my looks, and knows he will be damned if he gives any answer or none at all. On any given day these small things are argued about, and then forgotten -- until the next time it happens.
It's so much of a joy for me to tell him how important he is to me that I feel a bit disappointed when it seems like I'm the only one delivering the cheese. I've dedicated songs to him on stage, I volunteer to pay for dinner or meet him near his place on weeknight dates and drive him home after, I kidnap him for a surprise out of town trip on a whim. Sometimes I feel like Betty waiting for Archie to see me the way he sees Veronica. Worse, I even wonder if he's seeing a Veronica out there...
But I guess when he does the little things, he shows me that he thinks of me everyday -- when he reminds me to gas up before the fuel sign blinks, or when he shuns spontaneity and embraces the routine so we could mark our schedule for QT with our respective families. Even if he'd rather not listen to choral music, he has watched every major concert I've performed in, but I have yet to join any of his airsoft games. And he does his share of taking the bus or the MRT on some of those weeknight dates and risks commuting home late just so we don't lose time in traffic. And he receives my meek "sorry"s without the 3-hour melodrama.
Madonna hit it right on the nail when she sang, "satin sheets are very romantic; what happens when you're not in bed?" -- paminsan-minsan talagang may mapupulot tayo sa kanya other than cone lingerie.
I'm not a fan of tough love just yet; it's too early for that when you're in your twenties and there aren't any kids or conjugal property to fuss about. But I'm all for everyday, ordinary, acronym-coded love if it means it will stay forever.
Thursday, August 02, 2007
"Hey! Di ka naman nagsabi agad na papunta ka na," I said, surprised, as my hands search for the voucher he was supposed to sign around my desk.
"No problem. I just got back from the gym," he shrugs as he takes off his bluetooth headset and sits in front of my workstation.
"Aba...pa-gym-gym ka na lang ngayon ah?" I remarked, doubtfully, though I steal glances at his arms, looking for a hint of toned muscles. Wala pa. Pero mas maputi pa rin siya sa akin!
"Bakit? Ayaw mo?" he probed while my back was turned, still looking for that blasted voucher that got buried in the file cabinet and into the Bermuda Triangle.
"Would it make a difference if I didn't?" Haha. It was just too playful a mood to let it pass. I knew he was smiling even if my eyes were on the pile of client folders stuffed in my drawers.
"Syempre." Bored na ito. Game na nga, feeling pa. I looked at him and I raised an eyebrow and blurted,
"Hindi nga. Totoo." I rolled my eyes and made belat (jusko di ko na alam kung pano ko sasabihin in straight English!).
"O sya, sige. OK yan para sa 'yo. It's good for your physical health, at...pati na rin social health, hehe. It's the new Starbucks -- the best place to check girls out while you're on the treadmill or lifting weights, hehe." I still couldn't find the voucher so I looked a bit unfocused, which he took as,
"Eh why do you sound so unconvinced? Maniniwala ba ako sa 'yo niyan?"
My eyes roll again. I drag my mouse over to the retrieval system, click the "Print" button and make a new copy of the voucher I lost.
"No, I mean it. It's good for you, while you're still young. Tsaka may girls nga to scope out. Trust me, I know."
"You scope girls out at the gym, too?" We laugh, and he signs on the voucher.
Cheese curls, I tell you. But when this other guy walked into the branch, iba na ang usapan. He had his hair cut and it suited him perfectly, so much that I mistook him for a local star. In terms of junk food, Lay's Sour Cream and Onion Potato Chips. With Fritos cheese dip. YUN O!
"Yes, sir?", I ask as I walk towards him. He smiles and I recognise him as my 23-year old client with a seven-year-old son. My hair is so messy. His is immaculately in place. Nahiya ako.
"Deposit lang sana. Pero hingin ko na rin ang account balance." He has his ATM card on one hand, cash in the other. I tell him he could check it via the ATM, and the deposit should be transacted over the teller counter.
"No, sa iyo ko na lang itatanong yung balance ko -- pero pwede sa ATM? Oo nga pala, pero -- o, sige na nga, punta na rin muna ako dun. Pero babalikan kita." Ganun? Nalito siya sa haba ng hair ko. Sige hintay naman ako.
As he went out to the ATM, I approach the tellers who began to ask me who the hunk o' person was. I tell them he opened an account a few months ago, and he looked every inch the cute young boy that he was with his keanu-style hair, baby fat and oversized shirts back then. Now with a crew cut and a gray small tee complementing his leaner but muscular figure, I'm thinking, good can turn into better, and better into best...mag-gym na rin kaya ako? But my thoughts were interrupted when the teller nudged me to assist the client who was now at my workstation.
"Paano sumulat sa deposit slip? Hehe sorry ha. Di ko talaga alam eh. What's my account number?", he inquired with an innocently clueless look. He writes the number according to my instructions then goes to the counter for the deposit. Akala ko tapos na biglang bumalik ulit sa akin and asks for a credit card application form.
"I promise you I'll request for a credit card soon. Mag-iipon muna ako ngayon. Thanks for the help, ha, " he says with a smile that reminds me of Piolo Pascual, and he steps out of the bank.
Sa bilis ng mga pangyayari, hindi ko na nakain yung baon ko for lunch.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
True, true. thanks for the link :)
I do believe, however, that De Mello's radical perspective poses a challenge for those who may achieve higher spiritual awareness and will eventually seek greater depth than what is available to the lay congregation. The rise in popularity of ecumenism is witness to more and more people awakening their souls without losing their faith, almost like a new Pentecost(!), and a lot of what has been said before to be invincible has been broken down. We are past the age of burning books, and there are a lot out there which may help us find the truth, which may lead us to what has always been thought to be true, and then there are instruments of deception swirled with chocolate icing :) Discernment is key, and I'm hoping that the Church is staying true to the basic meaning of what it basically means to be "catholic".
Dancing close to the fire is exhilarating, albeit bordering on madness. A little more grace, though, is good to pray for :)
I was cleaning my pc of files to discard and chanced upon this prayer I used for Hangad practice. I guess I'd better post it here so I won't lose it if my system breaks down...
I’ve recently been reading Anthony De Mello’s compilation of “story meditations” entitled Taking Flight. The appeal of this book to me is a cross between “Laughter, The Best Medicine” and a short Richard Bach novel. Let me share with you a story taken from this book’s section on “Awareness”.
“An oyster saw a loose pearl that had fallen into the crevice of a rock on the ocean bed. After great effort she managed to retrieve the pearl and place it just beside her on a leaf. She knew that humans searched for pearls and thought, ‘ This pearl will tempt them, so they will take it and let me be.’
When a pearl diver showed up, however, his eyes were conditioned to look for oysters and not for pearls resting on leaves.
So he grabbed the oyster, which did not happen to have a pearl, and allowed the real pearl to roll back into the crevice in the rock.
You know exactly where to look. That is the reason why you fail to find God.”(De Mello, 1988, pp 45-46)
For those who don’t know who Anthony De Mello is, he was a Jesuit priest from
His retreats, workshops, seminars on prayer and therapy courses and work which he was involved with globally for 18 years is widely known in many English and Spanish speaking countries. He died suddenly in 1987, in
This thought is, again, about awareness.
"Is salvation obtained through action or through meditation?"
"Through neither. Salvation comes from seeing."
"That the gold necklace you wish to acquire is hanging round your neck. That the snake you are so frightened of is only a rope on the ground."
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
And I told you not to say anything conclusive until you see me again.
Face to face.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
I once told a friend that we'd all be great together if we were in utopia; sadly, we live in a mamamaterial world...excuse me. I'm just amusing myself to lighten my spirits a bit.
A friendly client came by today to check on her account and when I told her that the funds she needed weren't getting through yet (later on I learned there was a US holiday so all international transfers were value dated to the next day), she started getting upset, telling me it was impossible for the funds to be delayed. Her once meek face turned cross, and I was unmoved by it as I thought to myself, I'm having a bad day, so please, don't start with me. Then, the events that followed soon after happened swiftly: Her eyes flutterred non-stop, her pupils shot up behind her eyelids and her body went limp as a rag doll in her seat. I practically jumped from my seat and alerted the operations manager and asked for help in carrying the client to a private room away from the lobby, and our janitor and one of the guards squeezed her fingers and toes while I gently called out to her hoping she would regain consciousness while her body was twitching as though it were being electrocuted.
I knew exactly what it was -- she was having a seizure. And it was the first time in more than twenty years for me to witness an epileptic attack since my brother died.
Moments later I found myself sobbing uncontrollably in the ladies' room. After washing my face I went back to the client to tell her everything was alright, she could get her funds (we just pre-terminated her time deposit), and I even offered to give her a ride to St Luke's where she was headed for a general checkup. The client's eyes were brimming with gratitude but she politely declined. She went on to tell me she was thankful that I was there when she had a seizure because I understood her condition, and that she was having a checkup so she could get well and hopefully leave her depression behind after her husband left her to marry another woman in Muslim rites. To add insult to injury, it turns out her in-laws knew it all along and even approved of it because she was "sick and of no use as a wife".
"Ang meron na lang ako ngayon, yung mga sulat niya sa email na kinukumusta niya ako, na papadalhan niya ako ng pera. Pero yung presence niya hindi ko na makukha."
"Bakit po ninyo tinatanggap pa? HIndi po ba masakit yung nagawa niya sa inyo?" -- hindi naman ako masyadong nanghimasok pero nilubus-lubos ko na, close na naman kami eh.
"Wala na akong magagawa, kailangan ko ito eh. Alam kong talagang napasubo na lang siya dun sa ibang bansa kaya niya nagawa yun. Pero aayusin ko ang buhay ko para mapakita kong hindi ako kailangang kaawaan. Para mapakita ko na pwede naman akong mahalin."
Another client came by today assisted by my teammate to redeem funds on an investment to buy a new car. He looked somewhat unhappy about it and told my teammate his wife, who is currently in the hospital, encountered a violent incident at the parking lot of the mall across the street. She was followed by a stranger and when she unlocked her car door she was pushed aside by the man who tried to steal the car from her. She retaliated and ended up being stabbed repeatedly on her arms. The stabber left her and the car in the parking lot. Buti na lang nakaabot pa sa ospital. They are selling the car.
Got an email from an officemate from the main branch telling me that one of our friends' mom passed away recently and we were to visit her tonight in Marikina. Unfortunately I had a late night team district meeting which ended at 8pm and told her I would just pass by tomorrow. This friend of mine emailed me a few months back asking for a copy of Hangad Acapella to borrow for what purpose I never knew (she wasn't a fan), and I never did get to send it to her. I'm thinking of giving her my copy tomorrow.
And I thought I had the biggest problem on earth.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
You know you and your family's been watching too many telenovelas when:
- Your mom asks if your brother is bipolar like Jodi's character in Walang Kapalit because he is depressed but he's a comedian.
- Your dad suddenly shouts expletives when the Arthro ad comes on because it's spoiling the drama of Maging Sino Ka Man. ("!@$#&*^$@!!!!! Sana matumba ka sa kakalakad mo pabaligtad hayop ka!")
- You begin to think the inspiration for Maria Flordeluna is your family story because your parents both have kids from previous relationships, your mom's name is Tita Jo, your dad looks a military man and your maid's name is Wilma.
- You discover that Walang Kapalit is actually the continuation of Maria Flordeluna and you puke at the storyline because it's the love story of the budding romance between your half-sister and half-brother.
- But, the story of Maging Sino Ka Man is entirely yours in different times in your life -- except, of course, the selective amnesia part of it (which is practically at the heart of the storyline).
- This is why you decide to stick to ABS-CBN's shows because there is nothing similar between your family and Super Twins or Lupin.
- You get mad at your boyfriend for ignoring you and misreading your signs the way Eli did to Jackie.
- You also get mad at your boyfriend for not sending you letters of poetry and staying outside your house even when you pushed him away the way JB did to Celine.
- But, your boyfriend has the same castaway-style stubble and ruffled hair like JB -- though he was never cast away on an island and could always find time to shave and get a decent haircut.
- You and your sister buy baby-doll style tops like Jackie and Celine, and end up looking like Flordeluna and Wilma.
- Your sister started with long hair permed at the ends like Jackie's, then had bangs cut like Celine's, and is now cut in a bob like Melanie's. Hopefully she won't cut it apple-style a la Robin Padilla.
- You start watching a few episodes of Asian Treasures hoping to get a glimpse of Celine's old best gay friend who is now a beautician but is the same bipolar comedian at home.
- You blurt at the oddest times the phrase, "I never...said...that I love you!"
- Your dad knows when to pee because every change in scene involves a 3-minute commercial break.
- You know the happiest times Piolo had in Australia were not with Claudine but with the actor who played his best buddy.
- Your parents actually remember doing the exact same things Dina Bonnevie and Edu Manzano did when they shot in Australia ("Diba Dad, yan din ginawa natin sa Sydney? Naglakad tayo sa sidewalks?" -- uh, like about 90% of people who appear on sidewalks anywhere in the world!?!?)
- You feel the suppressed guffaws of the actors in Maging Sino Ka Man when they include My Marvel Taheebo and Biogesic spiels in actual scenes.
- Your dad knows it's time to turn off the TV and go to bed when Rounin begins.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
And the fires in our streets start to rage,
so wave, to the people that long to wave back,
from the fabric of a flag that sang 'love all of the time' "
--- "War All The Time", title track from Thursday's 2003 released album
It happens everywhere -- though not as sensational as this one, but I guess the only thing I could post about the Virginia Tech mass murder this week would be best voiced out by
this essay from Stephen King.
In other news, I got this from Yahoo!News. At least the Catholic Church is burning down the old conventions (albeit slowly). Nevertheless it's still a long way to go. Next concept to dispose of, please....
Friday, April 13, 2007
The last part rocks. Insomnia is killing me -- or is it the terrible missing?
Variation on the Word Sleep
I would like to watch you sleeping.
I would like to watch you,
sleeping. I would like to sleep
with you, to enter
your sleep as its smooth dark wave
slides over my head
and walk with you through that lucent
wavering forest of bluegreen leaves
with its watery sun and three moons
towards the cave where you must descend,
towards your worst fear
I would like to give you the silver
branch, the small white flower, the one
word that will protect you
from the grief at the center
of your dream, from the grief
at the center. I would like to follow
you up the long stairway
again & become
the boat that would row you back
carefully, a flame
in two cupped hands
to where your body lies
beside me, and you enter
it as easily as breathing in
I would like to be the air
that inhabits you for a moment
only. I would like to be that unnoticed
and that necessary
Monday, April 09, 2007
Just read if you've got nothing better to do. I'm not sure if I'll have the same number of boys in Alanis' song Unsent (afternote: I actually did) but it's a good song to start getting in the mood.... =) and to those who think they know who I'm writing about, either keep it to yourselves or send it directly to the one I wrote it for -- clandestinely. Hah! Just kidding about the second part. I may be looking for old wounds to pick on =)
Life seems to be going great for you (except for a slight delay which should correct itself in the coming months). It's good to know you're also keeping yourself fit and in the pink of health, with that glow in your smile all the more reflecting the contentment you must be feeling with The One. I do miss talking to you and sharing thoughts on stuff we both like, but I never get to see you when our friends get together. It's been a while since we last spoke with each other beyond the occasional generic text messages, and I hope we could find time someday to call on each other and catch up on our goings-on before we give out wedding invitations (btw you'll go before I do and I can bet on it)! Heck, bring her along and we could trade notes, hahaha. But she would know you better even if I knew you first =)
I really did like you a lot then. I just hated you for not being honest when you broke it off. But, you're happily practicing your career, you seem to have a lot of friends, and you make more money than I do. So, when are you opening a bank account with my branch? We can't be friends anymore but I could at least give you financial advice in exchange for making me meet my sales target for the month =) Oh, and thanks for making me realize I was pretty enough to interest the nice, good-looking guys =)
We do talk regularly, but I haven't really told you how odd it feels for me to be treated like the greatest friend you've ever had when I'm not immersing myself fully in this relationship. We've known each other's names for so long but I can't say that I have a lot in common with you. Sometimes I have no freaking idea what you're talking about, I'm struggling to ask enough follow up questions to feign comprehension. Yet I'm grateful that we've stayed friends this long, because sooner or later when we're old we'll need nothing but a few good memories and a name to match them with =) And I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my subconscious is storing information about you enough for me to gather a distinctive image of you worthy of a bragging right of being friends with you for 15 years =)
My. After all these years I still think of you and worry about how you are. Someone told me we spiritually held on to each other by each other's necks (I still can't quite figure that one out) and that we both felt each other's misery in some way. I do get those moments when I remember a random memory of you and then you suddenly pop in the flesh -- on the road driving, walking along the main street, or biking in campus. I know that what happened then had to happen, but at the back of my head I would always wish for you to give me a call or suddenly appear on my doorstep -- that this would really tell us how bound we are by such a strong friendship. I R still here doing what I do because of you. Mom and Dad ask about you, too, and wonder why you don't hang around the house anymore. =)
We are better this way. We don't even talk about that anymore, do we? You've had so many greater loves after me, I'm beginning to wonder if it ever happened at all. I'm happy that we are very good friends. I guess it's best not to bring the past up anymore especially now that you're serious with this one. Just wanted you to know, though, that if I were stuck on a deserted island with only you as my companion, I'd have the time of my life =)