Saturday, April 11, 2009

funny how time changes how we see.

I remember during one of Hangad's rehearsals a few years ago, when we were asked to contemplate about how Good Friday was for the disciples at the time of Jesus' death. For us modern-day Christians, the observance of Holy Week is a commemoration of the unconditional love of the Father that smoothly culminates with its triumph over sin and death at Easter. The sorrow of the Passion is always met with the glory of the Resurrection.

Yet for the disciples, this anticipation of triumph was alien to them. All they knew was that Jesus was dead, and that his promise of a kingdom of salvation died with Him on the cross. They were confused, consumed by grief, frightened at the prospect of being persecuted in the same manner as their Teacher. They felt abandoned, left in darkness, and had nowhere to turn. Still, they remained together in this moment of darkness, albeit in fear, but together.

This evening of Good Friday and for the remainder of Black Saturday, we are invited to recognise this Holy Darkness, and to be grateful to the faithful apostles who stayed with each other in deep mourning, and in hope for an answer to the seemingly inevitable end of their calling. It is a reminder to us that things happen for a reason, and that reason is not always immediately tangible. It is an exercise in patience, fortitude, and pure faith.

Darkness could not have been any more real to me than it was during Holy Week last year. My family and I were in the hospital, praying for enlightenment that we make the best decision on how to go about my father's heart problem. I was experiencing personal difficulties of my own, asking for a sign if my decision to break free from a relationship was the right one. Never in my life had I felt so lost, so pained, so alone, so blinded by darkness.

Yet my family stayed together. I kept myself together. We held on for about a month more before Dad was finally discharged from the hospital, surviving a quintuple bypass operation. I kept firm with my decision, and braved through it with inspiration from my father, my family and all of you who prayed with me. And like the days after the Resurrection, I had my share of miracles, "apparitions", unexpected obstacles and minor persecutions. Still, I remained with unwavering faith that the answer will come.

Looking back now a year later, I realise that everything happened all at the same time for me to finally put to rest an old self that had been in pain for so long. There were a lot of things I held on to then that I thought I couldn't live without, but it came to a point that I had to muster enough courage to leave it all to God, to be patient, and to believe. It's downright amazing how time really changes how we see.

I will be forever grateful for the darkness of that period in my life. For without it, my Easter would not be as resplendent as it is today.


Sunday, April 05, 2009

me, the outdoors-y type? naaaah.

But no. i've had 2 weekends' worth of adventures in a safari/forest, jetskiing and trekking up (and down) a 5-hour mountain hike that led to a beautiful beach.

AND i signed up for a 10-km trail run in May, and a promise to finally (learn how to) bike in the same month.

WHAT AM I THINKING?!? For someone who trips on dry, even surfaces even with warning, it feels like another person has taken over my part of the brain that gauges my probable capabilities, with the conviction of Nick Vujicic (see his moving story here).

It's wonderful how the human spirit shines through to make things happen just by inspiration -- which starts from within oneself, and fueled further by the faith of people who believe in one's limitless capacity to learn and discover new things, and who witness each achievement as one goes along, keeping company every step of the way.

Haay. It's exhilirating, terrifying and head-splitting all at the same time. My 40 days of preparation starts tomorrow. I hope I live up to the challenge! :)






Tuesday, March 03, 2009

weekends, long weekends and week-breaks part 2

I felt like Maria with a hat and a suitcase on the way to the Trapps for the first time.

Pakanta na ako eh: "What will this day be like? I wonder...."

Was supposed to go to Subic last Saturday for the entire
weekend with my officemate and her husband and some pals, but cancelled at the last minute because they woke up late and her hubby had a lawyers' meeting to catch by lunchtime.

Since we were already on the road, I decided to take another adventure and go to MOA for a morning brisk walk and see if it was really a good place for running. I was, in fact, in jogging gear already. The gentle morning sun, however, suddenly felt like the sweltering sizzle of high noon by the time I reached Blue Wave. I went the other way around and headed for CCP. Maybe today, I'll finally teach myself how to bike.

Lo and behold, as I drove into the pay parking area beside Harbor Square, there were no more bikes for rent in the area. The ticket lady said it had been a while since the business was eased out of CCP. Oh well, back to Plan A: jog. But by then it had already been 10:00am, while my outfit was best suited to foggy weather just before sunrise. So I did what every girl would do in such dire situations: I shopped for a costume change.

Within minutes I was wearing a striped racerback tank and comfy shorts. I ignored the occasional catcalls (I forgot that shorts rode up one's legs with every stride) and bewildered remarks ("tanghali na, miss!") and walked around the kingdom of Imelda: CCP, PICC, and Coconut Palace. I also jogged a bit around the amusement parks (Star City and Boom na Boom), and strolled along the bay.

As I neared the end of the baywalk beside the old Gloriamaris, I found myself walking into a small group of streetfolks. Some had fishing poles cast into the murky water, others seemed to enjoy swimming in the polluted sea. A lone boat lay motionless in the black water. A stocky boy in his board shorts precariously stepped on one wobbly rock at a time until he got to a portion of the wall low and angled enough to climb up on. He didn't look like he was one of them (for starters, he looked well-fed). A toddler ran around the path, oblivious to the danger of falling into the rocks. Amidst all this life bubbling around me, I was engulfed by the peaceful lullaby of the movement of the vast sea.

It was quiet. And beautiful. I paused to look out and see how far I've walked (and how far I was from Rosy's Pancit Malabon where I planned to have lunch). MOA is the distant island almost straight ahead; the building on the left was the Philippine Plaza (now Sofitel). On a whim, I walked back to land and proceeded to the hotel. I breezed through security (I only had my cellphone with me; they mistook me for a booked guest who took a leisure walk). In moments I was listening to house music, imagining I was in a resort a few steps away from the powdery sands of Boracay.

I confidently strode into the poolside. I walked to a vacant sun chair near the edge and found myself inside the caged luxury which I saw from afar only a few minutes ago with the poorest of the poor. Now I was surrounded by the elite, all but one appeared foreign to me. Look at the boy on the rightmost edge of the picture. It was the same lad who was tiptoeing on the dirty waters! Perhaps he tried to save a toy that inadverdently got tossed into the muck.

As I lay on the sun chair and closed my eyes, I tried to bask in the comfort of the rich. Somehow, the solitude was not as profound as what I experienced from outside. It seemed superficial and fleeting. I did not feel free. Or maybe I was also worried I might blow my cover anytime and be shamefully escorted out of the hotel premises. At any rate, I was done.

I walked back to my car, drove back to Macapagal, met S in MOA who just wowed a client, and was gleefully treated to Rosy's. I almost ate rice again, but just allowed my taste buds to appreciate the pancit malabon solo. Just the way Dad and I ate during our Saturday trips to the palengke in Concepcion in the 80s, I consumed my pancit with a piece of camachile-shaped cookie and a bottle of regular coke, with a hearty serving of tokwa't baboy on the side. YUM!

Can't wait for the next weekend vacation! What will my future be? I wonder.... ;)



Monday, March 02, 2009

weekends, long weekends and week-breaks part 1

This is becoming a habit.

I've always loved going places on foot, especially since I don't know how to bike (*hint, hint!* paturo naman!), and now driving has taken me to greater distances beyond my walking threshold.

Lately, I've found myself making excuses to take long trips on the road, or long walks on familiar pavements. I make it a point to walk around the UP Oval at least once a week for a couple of hours or so, not just for the exercise (after all, it's beach season), but also to have some quiet time for myself.

Last Monday, I took a roadtrip to Antipolo, my second attempt to explore the famed "Pilgrimage City". The first one a few years back was too disappointing that I almost didn't want to go there again. I took a gamble. On a Monday. On People Power Monday.

There still was heavy traffic, I had to drop off something at work, I barely slept the night before and breakfast was skipped, the trip started a few hours late, and the summer heat was upon us as we walked. I realised that there was a choice to be stressed out or to overwhelm oneself with the excitement of a fresh adventure. It makes a world of a difference to choose the latter. I think I got to discover more things. Went to MMLDC to see birds of all sizes, sampled some nuts and ate a man's adobo. I've consumed gazillions of suman in my young life, but somehow the enticing invitation of "tikim bago bili" just made the sticky rice sweeter than usual. (Yes, I ate rice. Sweet, sugar-coated sticky suman rice. BAD.) And arnibal-covered pinipig bars! It's been ages since I sunk my teeth into a crunchy bar. I felt like I was 8 again :)

Antipolo Church was quieter than the last time I was there -- then again, it was a regular weekday so I guess more people were too busy filing paperwork to go on a pilgrimage. I was educated on the huge structure that adorned the focal/altar area. The design was adapted from traditional but didn't quite meet Vatican standards as it probably was drawn from memory by the local artists. The paintings had muted colors which might have resulted from a strictly imposed (read: impossibly cheap) budget for the impoverished yet skillful Angono painters.

Nevertheless, I could see how the church could easily harness its exotic beauty in wedding photographs and glisten like a lone crystal clear waterdrop of what was once a glorious waterfall. Not unlike Hinulugang Taktak, which we steered clear of after seeing its pathetic state just by the entrance to the "national park".

The day was capped by a sandwich and chips and (watered down) iced tea merienda at the UP Ampitheater. The sun was still shining brightly while it slowly made its descent into the horizon; the acacia leaves shimmering like a bejeweled canopy above the Oval. It was such a perfect scene, I had to say it to be heard.

I almost forgot how lovely the campus looked like in the afternoon! I wish I had this moment when I was still in college. Maybe things could have been pleasantly different.




Sunday, January 04, 2009

Kevin!!!

The search is over for our dear blockmate Kevin!! We finally found him after years of planning an ambush visit to the home address he registered for the college yearbook. Buti doon pa sya nakatira!


Our gang had always thought about Kevin. On grad ball night when he wasn't around, we had a balloon with his name scrawled on it on our table. Everytime we got together we'd wonder about him. We tried googling, searching on Friendster and YM, but in the world of online identities, he was off the map. Some casually inquired about him from MaSci friends to no avail. Marvin attempted to call his landline but was met with a suspiciously unsure reply ("ah, wala sya, nag-abroad na yata yun."). He never called again.

And so, a few years back, along with the perennial wish to go vacationing Baguio as a barkada, we pondered on the idea of a roadtrip with a mission: to find Kevin Anthony Solayao. Nobody knew the ins and outs of Valenzuela so we figured it would probably take an entire weekend to strategise and actually get on the road. Then, out of the blue, in the middle of eating dinner at Teriyaki Boy last Friday, Marvin asked when we would probably have time to find Kevin once and for all.

"I'm free the entire day tomorrow," I replied as I ate from my rice bowl (yes, I ate rice that night). And just a few hours after we left Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf in Gateway, Wilmer and Marvin were at my house a bit before 6am to finally commence our "manhunt".

We had no leads except the address on the yearbook and vague memories of directions to his house. Along Tandang Sora Avenue extension we went, with Wilmer driving my car and Marvin looking at the map and dictating the address. Wilmer wondered aloud,

"San kaya yung Gen. T?"

Suddenly, in big, bold letters was the name of the school in front of us :
GEN T DE LEON NATIONAL HIGH SCHOOL

Wow. Now all we had to look for was Demetillo Street. Lo and behold, a few meters from the school was a signboard that read:
EDUARDO DEMETILLO COMPOUND

We laughed at how the names on Kevin's address seemed to sprout from nowhere. At this point we asked for directions.

They said that Kevin's house was on the farther portion of Demetillo (apparently, there was more than one entry to this street).

We were laughing at the fact that Valenzuela wasn't as far away as we thought. Nagbaon pa kami ng sitsirya (nakakatawa ang spelling) na hindi rin naman namin nakain. At biglang naalalang wala kami man lang dala para kay Kevin! We figured maybe he'd like the mini mandarin oranges...or maybe he'll be happy just by seeing us again.

And then, there it was. Demetillo Street, with house numbers leading to 5222.


While walking, our excitement grew more and more.

Ito na talaga!
Pa'no namin siya babatiin?
Gising na kaya siya?
Baka wala siya dyan for the holidays?

Or worst of all, baka iniwasan nya talaga kami kaya siya nawala at hindi siya matuwang makita kami ulit?

Fishing na yung huli. Pero kabado kami.

At ayan na nga, we reached 5222...A and B! Hala! Alin dito? Sabi ni Marvin, "Yung may tindahan, naalala ko may tindahan ang bahay niya!"

Eh parehong may tindahan.

We decided to try 5222-A. The man who answered at the gate was unmistakably Kevin's dad even if he hadn't told us yet -- kamukha niya sobra! We introduced ourselves and asked if he was around. Kevin was at work on night shift, which meant that he was on his way home.
"Kung ipapasok ninyo ang kotse nyo, baka masalubong nyo pa sya sa daan, " he added. Kevin's mom met us outside of the house, too, and was giddy about the surprise visit. She texted him and told us that he was still on MacArthur Highway. Malapit na :)

When Kevin finally opened the screen door leading to the sala, we were ecstatic! He may have been a bit haggard from working since 10pm to 6am, but he said,

"I'm impressed. Pleasant surprise talaga. Akala ko nagkamali ang mommy ko sa text!"

Over a hearty breakfast composed of lasagna, banana bread, peach graham float and fruit salad, we exchanged stories. He works at the Treasury department in Pagcor (hebigat talaga si Kevin). He has a girlfriend. His day off is Monday. And he still knew where we all live!!!
Kami naman, update to death on the latest about N5. So ngayon mas marami na siyang alam kaysa kay Joa nyahahaha. Phone patch pa to Kathy and Iris courtesy of Marvin's mobile!

And then it was time to go. Galing pa nga naman pala si Kevin sa trabaho, wala pang tulog.



So, with the high-fives, a beso and a promise to see each other on a Monday (or to take a leave on a Sunday afternoon para kasama si Wilmer), we bade Kevin a see-you-later.

And in about 30 minutes, we were back at my house. Anubaz! Ang lapit lang pala. Mas malayo pa ang bahay naming lahat to each other compared to that.

Mission accomplished. :)



Wednesday, December 31, 2008

I'd come running to see you again.

I was ready to sleep through another night alone in the house last Saturday when I suddenly heard someone open the gate just when I was about to alight from my car. It was D!

"What are you doing here?", I asked as he ran into my arms.

"I'm eating dinner here!"

"Really? What are you having for dinner?"

"Whatever you're cooking."

Yay. Our helper was on leave. Good thing he had a weakness for hotdogs.

After dinner we decided to watch YouTube together. His mom warned me that he might try clicking on "non-kid-friendly cartoons" so I patiently guarded him while he browsed through some Lego stop-motion movies. He clicked on a set of videos (see website here), which I found funny. Some, however, weren't really for 8-year-olds. I told D to just choose those that had "clean" storylines (eg. no derogatory or cuss words).

"But, Tita Chrise, the videos are only funny when they have bad words in them!"

He had a point. I figured, he's quite mature anyway, so I might as well just "supervise" while watching with him. It was all ok until we came across one clip and he asked,

"Tita Chrise, what's 'crack'?"

"Uh...hey, let's go to Jollibee and get some sundaes first, ok?"

His face lighted up as I grabbed the car keys and drove with him to buy our close-to-midnight snacks.


Whew. He had more questions in the morning that I'd rather not post anymore, except for one reply to a nosy inquiry:

"Cool. You have an enemy!"

I love being an aunt to this boy. :)



Friday, December 26, 2008

I'll remember.

Allow me to linger on the memory of you today.

In my mind, the first day I saw you is as fresh as the thought of yesterday.

You were radiant as you were simple; gracious as you were serene.

I instantly loved you. I would have wanted to stroll along hospital walkways with you if I continued my studies in that direction. I enjoyed listening to stories of you, especially the early years in Baguio with the rest of the family I had grown to love too.

Your car was my favorite, and only now do I realise that my own car is blue too, like yours.

I miss your thoughtfulness, how you would invite me to eat or check if I have a ride home. Merienda at Jollibee would always remind me of you.

When the time came when you no longer remembered me, I kept on thinking about you. I could not tell you how much I loved you, because I had become an unwilling stranger. Yet I still prayed for you. And I still pray for you.

It has been a year today since you left. Though we were almost but not quite bound as family, you will always be the one I learned the most from. You are one of the reasons why I survive being alone. You were the gentle strength that kept me standing in spite of the crushing difficulties at home. You were the inspiration that empowered my prayers to bring my father back in the pink of health. And you are the silver lining that reminds me to trust God's plan and to see the good in every event that comes -- or fails to come -- in my life.



Thank you, Lola Bella. You will always be remembered and loved.