Sunday, June 12, 2011

hoping just because i spoke the words that they're true

I crossed out something from my bucket list this weekend. There's something magical about this week, how every sign is distinct and clear, and how I've gone from tears to thrills in a span of seven days. Even more so that it was Dad's 7th month just this Friday, and today is both Independence Day and Pentecost Sunday.


I am filled with thanks for this newfound clarity in my life. It is a blessing how I pray for things to happen, and with effort on my part, they do. I find myself talking aloud when I'm alone, singing audibly when I'm running at night, or keeping quiet but thinking intently in conversation. I suppose it appears crazy to some, but for me, it has become sort of an active form of prayer. I believe my dad can hear me when I say or sing these things by myself, and I let God in on the conversation, too. Now that I have more time to be on my own, I am grateful to have the luxury to reflect and ponder on how much has been done. I realise now that I am responsible for the outcome instead of being just a passive recipient. I see now that hard work coupled with fervent prayer generates the best result. I've rid myself the stress of asking why something was not granted, and in lieu of it I've grown eager for the other thing that is yet to come.

What has transpired these past few months (and days!) has liberated me from old fears and obsolete notions of myself. I am here, I am alive, I am standing on my own two feet, and, surprisingly enough, I am still willing to love. My soul is full of gratitude for everything and everyone that has led me to where I am now. How glorious it is for my spirit to be free.