You must have nothing more with your mind to do/There's a war in Russia and Sarejevo, too...

"The pieces fall it’s like a last day parade

And the fires in our streets start to rage,

so wave, to the people that long to wave back,

from the fabric of a flag that sang 'love all of the time' "

--- "War All The Time", title track from Thursday's 2003 released album

 
It happens everywhere -- though not as sensational as this one, but I guess the only thing I could post about the Virginia Tech mass murder this week would be best voiced out by
this essay from Stephen King.  

******

In other news, I got this from Yahoo!News.  At least the Catholic Church is burning down the old conventions (albeit slowly).  Nevertheless it's still a long way to go. Next concept to dispose of, please....

"sleep, sleep, sleep," says the hundredth sheep

A friend sent this to me a long time ago. Sabi niya: "olats si Neruda!"
The last part rocks. Insomnia is killing me -- or is it the terrible missing?

Variation on the Word Sleep
Margaret Atwood

I would like to watch you sleeping.
I would like to watch you,
sleeping. I would like to sleep
with you, to enter
your sleep as its smooth dark wave
slides over my head

and walk with you through that lucent
wavering forest of bluegreen leaves
with its watery sun and three moons
towards the cave where you must descend,
towards your worst fear

I would like to give you the silver
branch, the small white flower, the one
word that will protect you
from the grief at the center
of your dream, from the grief
at the center. I would like to follow
you up the long stairway
again & become
the boat that would row you back
carefully, a flame
in two cupped hands
to where your body lies
beside me, and you enter
it as easily as breathing in

I would like to be the air
that inhabits you for a moment
only. I would like to be that unnoticed
and that necessary

dear marcus, you rock my world...

OK, so this is my first blog entry in eons, but just to let you know this entry will only be for my own personal therapy -- in the spirit of Easter, I feel I need a bit of self-renewal and perhaps writing letters to those I barely get in touch with will cast a few demons off my system.

Just read if you've got nothing better to do. I'm not sure if I'll have the same number of boys in Alanis' song Unsent (afternote: I actually did) but it's a good song to start getting in the mood.... =) and to those who think they know who I'm writing about, either keep it to yourselves or send it directly to the one I wrote it for -- clandestinely. Hah! Just kidding about the second part. I may be looking for old wounds to pick on =)

Here goes:


Dear Matthew,

Life seems to be going great for you (except for a slight delay which should correct itself in the coming months). It's good to know you're also keeping yourself fit and in the pink of health, with that glow in your smile all the more reflecting the contentment you must be feeling with The One. I do miss talking to you and sharing thoughts on stuff we both like, but I never get to see you when our friends get together. It's been a while since we last spoke with each other beyond the occasional generic text messages, and I hope we could find time someday to call on each other and catch up on our goings-on before we give out wedding invitations (btw you'll go before I do and I can bet on it)! Heck, bring her along and we could trade notes, hahaha. But she would know you better even if I knew you first =)

Dear Jonathan,

I really did like you a lot then. I just hated you for not being honest when you broke it off. But, you're happily practicing your career, you seem to have a lot of friends, and you make more money than I do. So, when are you opening a bank account with my branch? We can't be friends anymore but I could at least give you financial advice in exchange for making me meet my sales target for the month =) Oh, and thanks for making me realize I was pretty enough to interest the nice, good-looking guys =)

Dear Terrance,

We do talk regularly, but I haven't really told you how odd it feels for me to be treated like the greatest friend you've ever had when I'm not immersing myself fully in this relationship. We've known each other's names for so long but I can't say that I have a lot in common with you. Sometimes I have no freaking idea what you're talking about, I'm struggling to ask enough follow up questions to feign comprehension. Yet I'm grateful that we've stayed friends this long, because sooner or later when we're old we'll need nothing but a few good memories and a name to match them with =) And I'm keeping my fingers crossed that my subconscious is storing information about you enough for me to gather a distinctive image of you worthy of a bragging right of being friends with you for 15 years =)

Dear Marcus,

My. After all these years I still think of you and worry about how you are. Someone told me we spiritually held on to each other by each other's necks (I still can't quite figure that one out) and that we both felt each other's misery in some way. I do get those moments when I remember a random memory of you and then you suddenly pop in the flesh -- on the road driving, walking along the main street, or biking in campus. I know that what happened then had to happen, but at the back of my head I would always wish for you to give me a call or suddenly appear on my doorstep -- that this would really tell us how bound we are by such a strong friendship. I R still here doing what I do because of you. Mom and Dad ask about you, too, and wonder why you don't hang around the house anymore. =)

Dear Lou,

We are better this way. We don't even talk about that anymore, do we? You've had so many greater loves after me, I'm beginning to wonder if it ever happened at all. I'm happy that we are very good friends. I guess it's best not to bring the past up anymore especially now that you're serious with this one. Just wanted you to know, though, that if I were stuck on a deserted island with only you as my companion, I'd have the time of my life =)