Thursday, June 01, 2006

and yet i'm still afraid to let it flow...

I've been quite retentive lately (not anal but more, uh, "urethral"). Apart from an infection i got due to my serious non-water drinking (i could pass the entire day away without a drop of water to drink) which caused my body to stop my pee midstream because it was excruciatingly painful (ok tama na ang oversharing), I have also stopped myself from blogging for some time even if I had tons to write about. I think it's because of my odd body clock that wants to be creative in the wee hours of the morning but is stifled by the conventional period of slumber of my family.

Sometimes I just have the perfect song, story or funny line in my head and then I turn on the computer. As it starts up I find it convenient to go to the bathroom for a shower or sit on the toilet, and when I emerge from there I realise an hour has passed, the lights are turned off, the 3-hour timed aircon has stopped, my sister is in Stage 1 of NREM sleep, hoping that I would finally stop tapping my fingers on the keyboard so she could jump to REM.

And I lose the desire to publish my brillant thoughts and shut the pc down, thinking that tomorrow I would have time.

But no, since I slept late I would be groggy in the morning, sluggish at work and get home late again and wishing for more sleep. Add to that the fact that my ideas have vanished into thin air and will not come back like a vivid dream that's kicked out of your head because you were shock-woken by frenzied dogs' barks right outside your bedroom window.

And now I've finally controlled the urge for forty winks and am now blogging, pero late na.

So bukas na lang ang tunay na kwento.

Gusto ko na either lumipat ng kwarto at i-rewire ang dsl sa guestroom para pwede akong magtype/magsurf magdamag without worrying about making too much noise and hampering my sister's success at deep sleep OR bumili ng laptop para di kailangang umuwi at mapirmi sa bahay para lang makasulat!

Pero sa ngayon, gusto ko lang matulog na ulit.