Monday, November 08, 2004

bubbles in my thoughts

I'm feeling quite gloomy tonight. I had a drink and too much pizza with my officemates after work today because one of them had a bad day and wanted to go somewhere before going home. We shared a few laughs and a few serious moments and went home feeling normal naman, but somehow the grim atmosphere caught up with me when I found no one to talk to because everybody's asleep or out.

Maybe I should start writing to amidala. I don't understand it; we were never close but we're part of the same college group that still goes out once in a while...she appears to have a lot to share with me but we never get the opportunity to talk. I even wrote her on multiply and asked if we could catch up on each other during the next group dinner -- alas, that dinner turned out to be a 2.5 hour beerfest since my aunt had her lunch party extended to suppertime and I couldn't exactly just leave the house, being the dutiful daughter/niece that i am (though i did lock her out of our shared bathroom when i forgot to unlock the door on her room's side...*giggle*).
so i didn't get to talk to her sad.


just finished writing to amidala on multiply. medyo malungkot yung post pero at least i finally got to let it out.

yay! green guy is home! he texted me this afternoon if i wanted to watch a movie in eastwood after his shift but it was just too late...hmm. maybe he got to ask scooter girl. ano kaya pinanood nila?

i'll sign out now to find out!

Saturday, November 06, 2004

my mom is slowly opening my door... tell me I should be helping out with the household chores. my aunt from australia has been in our house for about six days now and she's hosting a lunch party here; trouble is, we are maid-less and i had to skip my greenhills thing with shenzi to show my mom that i'm not insensitive (mind you, the reason i'm staying home is NOT really to help but to act like i'm willing to).

you know, sometimes i wish i weren't the dutiful, dependable daughter my parents think i am. that way, i'd have an excuse to skip chores, leave the house on a whim and be back at dawn like my brother. and hey, mom doesn't love him any less despite his "unreliability". on the contrary, i think he's even her favorite. i just hate it when she speaks in her forever-nagging tone to oblige me to help out -- i mean, come on! she dismissed my dad's request to have a breakfast party at home with his friends last july because there was just one maid to do everything, and now, she's on all fours for her sister who wants to brag OUR HOUSE to her friends ?!? naman.

she's been really twisted these past few days. mind you, within this month 3 household help have left us, and her constant nagging and complaining about inefficiency didn't really sound too tasty for them to stay.

at kung kailan naisipan ko nang magsulat saka siya papasok sa kwarto ko...maybe i should take a day off from work to remove my glass doors and replace my locks. i think i could do it. maybe it'll be my little project this season....or maybe i could call tim and ask him to teach me how to do carpentry stuff -- or did he only mention he had a friend who knew how? oh well. i've got a lot of reasons to call him anyway so i guess i should get in touch with him pretty soon. non-issue guy naman siya kaya ok lang.

hmm. should go out now and do something in the kitchen. i'll just think about the big chance of seeing p this afternoon (i invited him over tutal binawalan na akong lumakad ng nanay ko, ergo, the lakad will come to me!)...and that's reason enough for me to not get pissed today.

Monday, November 01, 2004

wraps around my heart

(cont'd from this crazy love of mine)

last friday i told p i set up my own blog; he reacted by saying, "wow. a journal. that anyone who's online could read..."

2 months ago that would be what i exactly felt about blogs -- but then again i figured i had a choice to disclose my blog to other people or not (of course, shenzi is a given), and i'm writing for myself and not for anyone else. di ko na pinatulan at baka kung saan na naman mapunta yung usapan.

we went to the cemetery today (which was surprisingly hassle-free, traffic-wise), and p and i didn't get a chance to talk to each other because he was on duty at fabella hospital. i wanted to call him and tell him about the newest family issue but i figured it would be better off to keep silent on stressful matters because his day is definitely stressful enough.

then i remembered what he said about overblowing problems before arriving at a solution, and i figured, maybe it's situations like these that he'd appreciate not hearing about anymore because it's a dead-end problem that one cannot act upon in any other way but passively (i.e., just wait for the other party to provide a solution for it). and i think about the times when i'd ask him if there was anything that bothered him, regardless of gravity or urgency, to which he'd respond negatively or say that he doesn't want to bother me with matters he could easily handle by himself.

of course, at times i'd feel isolated when he doesn't share his problems, but i haven't really gone beyond the surface and appreciate his efforts at minimizing creases in my life. come to think of it, if he told me every sad hospital story, we'd both be feeling so helpless and worthless and go further deeper into the muck of despair.
sus. ang bait pala nung ginagawa niya...

oh well. i should express my gratitude soon.