Sunday, June 26, 2005

By the time I recognize this moment, this moment will be gone

I've often mentioned (and pondered upon in silence) that there are ties that have to be broken in order for someone to grow and move on. You may as well know I've had my share of these -- some of which died a natural death, with a few that entailed a lot of painful effort to let go of. Still I struggled and eventually accepted the fact that the world does not revolve around me, and life goes on and even gets better.

But every once in a while scenes play in my idle mind, of days shared with those friends I have left behind. As I close my eyes I find myself immersed in those moments...all of a sudden I'm back there awkwardly playing basketball in the high school court with her, I'm hearing his nervous voice over the phone at 10AM saying "good evening", she's holding my hand at the bleachers telling me "no goodbyes", he does an Amelie and I'm
stunned and there's no time to react adversely as I look into his lovely eyes as he leaves without a word, and I laugh when he stops his car in the middle of the road and looks at me as though he's caught with his pants down.

These five episodes I remember most, and I can't help but miss, because I know they have all gone. Not that I'm lonely, which I'm far from being; and not that they can't be contacted (as a matter of fact they're pretty much still around my social circle) -- it's the indifference in reality that sometimes stumps me.

Lately I've gotten in touch with two of them on separate occasions, and, well, it feels strange to find that they want to make up for lost time; honestly, I don't know if I want to, too. Last time I tried that I just blabbed nonstop and felt like I was talking to a wall -- it just didn't seem natural to me anymore, and I'm sure the other felt the same. But on the way home I remember again how it used to be, and it's such a shock for me to realise how I've managed not to feel anything anymore after all that.

After conditioning one's self to breaking ties and moving on, how does one entertain a sincere invitation to renewal? Is it right to say, "I'm sorry, I wish I could, but I can't"?

Saturday, June 11, 2005

when nothing else remains, love letters become paper planes

Boo Hewerdine.

He formed the band The Bible in the 80s which released a minor hit, "Honey Be Good" (lyrics you can scroll from here) from its second album Eureka. I chanced upon an acoustic version of that song on NU a few nights ago and it really caught on. Unfortunately Boo's website only has the old band version which I didn't like as much as the pure acoustic guitar one.

Incidentally, he also wrote "Patience of Angels" for Eddi Reader in 1992.

Listen to his poignant "Paper Planes" here.

sigh. these nerds. i gotta meet them at least once in this lifetime.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

hmm. who needs a STARE? =)

Thug Bear
Thug Bear

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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the itchy and scratchy show

was supposed to go to a party tonight, but the hard rain created a lake on our street and my dad told me not to go out anymore so i'm stuck here at home trying to stop myself from giving in to my allergy's itch and worrying about sleeping on my bed with fresh sheets (read: new, untested and potentially allergenic material) which may end up giving me another batch of rashes. and, i just deleted a half-page full entry dedicated to my low skin immunity because this says it all: ***SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH rubbing alcohol AAAHHH X-mark with fingernail on the rash***

iba na talaga mga insekto ngayon, sosyal na gamot ang kailangan tapos ang tagal mawala ng marks. i remember how my mom used to put Vicks Vaporub on my mosquito bites to relieve them tapos kinabukasan makinis na ulit yung balat ko. it made me wonder how the Vicks people ignored this function in commercials and just concentrated on the cold-cough "haplos ng ginhawa" drama. i tried treating myself with that when i had a bad cold and i ended up not having a good night's rest; the balm stuck to my nightgown and felt icky. the "steam bath" option was ok, a la facial sauna with a tablespoon of the balm in a tabo of hot water, but it gave those who wanted to use the tabo for its other usual function quite a *tingling* experience and i had to wash it with hard detergent to get the ointment off the surface anubato issue pa rin sa akin?!? di naman ako masyadong affected noh?

napaisip tuloy ako kung ano pa yung mga products na may iba pang function other than the recommended use....hmm.

sige isip muna ako para malibang at hindi maloka sa pagkamot.