Monday, November 01, 2004

wraps around my heart

(cont'd from this crazy love of mine)

last friday i told p i set up my own blog; he reacted by saying, "wow. a journal. that anyone who's online could read..."

2 months ago that would be what i exactly felt about blogs -- but then again i figured i had a choice to disclose my blog to other people or not (of course, shenzi is a given), and i'm writing for myself and not for anyone else. di ko na pinatulan at baka kung saan na naman mapunta yung usapan.

we went to the cemetery today (which was surprisingly hassle-free, traffic-wise), and p and i didn't get a chance to talk to each other because he was on duty at fabella hospital. i wanted to call him and tell him about the newest family issue but i figured it would be better off to keep silent on stressful matters because his day is definitely stressful enough.

then i remembered what he said about overblowing problems before arriving at a solution, and i figured, maybe it's situations like these that he'd appreciate not hearing about anymore because it's a dead-end problem that one cannot act upon in any other way but passively (i.e., just wait for the other party to provide a solution for it). and i think about the times when i'd ask him if there was anything that bothered him, regardless of gravity or urgency, to which he'd respond negatively or say that he doesn't want to bother me with matters he could easily handle by himself.

of course, at times i'd feel isolated when he doesn't share his problems, but i haven't really gone beyond the surface and appreciate his efforts at minimizing creases in my life. come to think of it, if he told me every sad hospital story, we'd both be feeling so helpless and worthless and go further deeper into the muck of despair.
sus. ang bait pala nung ginagawa niya...

oh well. i should express my gratitude soon.

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