Tuesday, October 26, 2004

strangers in every way...

it's such a glorious feeling to know that there's more to discover about someone even after being together for quite some time now. it's like opening your eyes on the first morning of your summer vacation and you catch yourself murmuring "no more classes, no more books, no more teacher's dirty looks, yahoo!! summertime, summertime, when all little kids get naughty again; naughty..." -- teka ang haba na ata nun ah.

i watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind for the second time, this time on dvd at home with p, the only one i think whom i could enjoy watching it with (the first time was in galleria and my friend was complaining about skipping All My Life for this "crappy" movie -- wha?), and, well, i cried all over again at the same scenes, for the same reasons...and i mean i really cried, not only wept, but sobbed and sniffed and wailed!

for a moment, p probably began to wonder why i reacted so much to the film; and my over-zealous justifications might only have reinforced notions of parallel real-life situations that are best left in the dark. perhaps he got the idea and never asked. what would i be able to say anyway if he indeed asked?

apart from the "safe" interpretation that i already told him about, what i gathered from watching the film was a feeling of normalcy after knowing your partner inside and out, which is not as bright as the deliriously exciting first two months of a budding romance, yet not as dull as a routinary morning in a 10-year marriage. it's the realisation that it's not always going to be happy (inasmuch as it woun't always be sad) but it will always be good. both of us won't be putting our best foot forward all the time but it's what will keep us steady.

when we reached a pivotal point in our relationship when we began to measure how far we've gone or if we've become better or worse than we were when we were still alone, i realised that it's the memories that guided my decision to stay. more than the bickering, the dropped calls and the slammed doors, i cherished the stargazing, the meaningful glances, even the way he irritatingly peels a clove of garlic for more than five minutes just so he could show me his progress in his cooking skills. these are scenes i don't want to delete from the tv show of my life, and these are the episodes that guarantee an extension of another season!

4 years to some is a very long time; for others, it's barely the beginning. for p and me, it's getting closer to each other's core, and we're not hurrying ourselves to get there. Ü

No comments: