Monday, April 17, 2006

not like I faint every time we touch...

you're humming to yourself, aren't you? vanilla skies...white picket fences in your eyes...


segue muna ako sa walang kinalaman...we were singing for the Good Friday mass and we were tasked to do the "Crowd" role in the Passion Gospel kasi kulang sa missalette at hindi nalagay sa powerpoint guide for the congregation. A resourceful choirmate copied the lines on his cellphone via text so we could all participate, and everything went well until we asked Simon Peter:

"You are not one of His disciples, are you not?"

waaah! feel na feel ko pa naman!

bow. now back to the program...


You know how it is when you tell someone about a crush and then all of a sudden the excitement disappears and you feel nothing at all anymore?

Ayun. That's what happened to me and my little story. Buti naman. Sa ka-iintriga ng mga tao namatay tuloy at mukhang hindi na mabubuhay pa ulit...perhaps it's also the non-fun of it being so secret, so unusual and so out-of-myself (to this day, nobody got to know who he was, and even if I named him no one would still know him!) that let the air out of the puny day-old balloon that was the almost-crush of my post-adolescent life.

In the spirit of things I even talked to P about bumping into an old classmate's website -- well, actually, I proactively searched for the guy on friendster (
lekat na friendster talaga o!) and found him and his blog there. After reading some old entries I really got to thinking that perhaps we could've been friends if I allowed myself to go up to him and introduce myself. Back then in school, he seemed like the mysterious, stuck-in-books, reserved type. I figured, he probably wouldn't be the least bit interested in me. Reading about him now gave me a clearer picture of him and made me think otherwise...kapal noh? But I mean that in all platonic honesty. He's got not a few similarities to a bunch of guys I was close to before, and given my vulnerability at the time, it was highly likely that I would've even seriously fallen for him if I got to know him better (heck, I remember gushing about his name! his name sounded like music to my ears! I would tell my non-school chums about him like a child, as though he were an imaginary friend!). He was like my Damon Bradley that I would someday meet and who knows, would turn out to be my destiny...syempre uso noon ang "Only You" kaya gumaya naman daw ako!

But fate took an interesting turn and made me fall for the friend I least expected to fall for. He would laugh at my jokes and didn't mind me swooning over someone else I knew nothing about save for a name I peeked at from the attendance list. At the end of that class we'd go to SM North Edsa to watch funny, corny and downright trashy movies together and enjoyed every minute of all of them. We camped out in ISMED to watch a meteor shower, marveled at the city lights viewed atop Kelly Heights one blackout night, explored the mystical books and trinkets at Aura Cafe while being the only audience (unmindful and unattentive at that) of Ciudad who was playing unfamiliar originals. He was my tag-along-anywhere buddy.
And he remains to be the one I dream of going with everywhere.

So now, after 6 years of committed contentment, I chance upon the goofy pictures and published times of the guy I wore short shorts and high-heeled sandals for in class. Well?
I'm still contented.

Hahaha. Crushes.

Sometimes the one who doesn't make your heart skip a beat turns out to be the one that keeps it beating for the rest of your life.


ina said...

hey chrise! have possible racket for you. email me.

Ina said...

btw, i love this entry. and i love sen! pa-hi naman sa kanya. ;)

hoy nene! said...

Sometimes the one who doesn't make your heart skip a beat turns out to be the one that keeps it beating for the rest of your life.

Aw, man. This made me smile. Then sigh. Beautiful entry, dear :) Hope your tour's going well!

tea_n_sympathy said...

sinagot ko na sa email. sen says hi, too! =) goodluck daw sa diaper changing! ;D

i hear Hangad's doing great and enjoying the rest of the tour, save for elaine who's frantically cramming the alto parts because of a soprano surplus and an alto shortage. i'm stuck in manila though..but not for long! i'm spending the weekend in puerto galera with joy and the 'rents.

jowi said...

i swear... may pattern ang mga buhay natin. hehehehe.