weekends, long weekends and week-breaks part 2

I felt like Maria with a hat and a suitcase on the way to the Trapps for the first time.

Pakanta na ako eh: "What will this day be like? I wonder...."

Was supposed to go to Subic last Saturday for the entire weekend with my officemate and her husband and some pals, but cancelled at the last minute because they woke up late and her hubby had a lawyers' meeting to catch by lunchtime.

Since we were already on the road, I decided to take another adventure and go to MOA for a morning brisk walk and see if it was really a good place for running. I was, in fact, in jogging gear already. The gentle morning sun, however, suddenly felt like the sweltering sizzle of high noon by the time I reached Blue Wave. I went the other way around and headed for CCP. Maybe today, I'll finally teach myself how to bike.

Lo and behold, as I drove into the pay parking area beside Harbor Square, there were no more bikes for rent in the area. The ticket lady said it had been a while since the business was eased out of CCP. Oh well, back to Plan A: jog. But by then it had already been 10:00am, while my outfit was best suited to foggy weather just before sunrise. So I did what every girl would do in such dire situations: I shopped for a costume change.

Within minutes I was wearing a striped racerback tank and comfy shorts. I ignored the occasional catcalls (I forgot that shorts rode up one's legs with every stride) and bewildered remarks ("tanghali na, miss!") and walked around the kingdom of Imelda: CCP, PICC, and Coconut Palace. I also jogged a bit around the amusement parks (Star City and Boom na Boom), and strolled along the bay.

As I neared the end of the baywalk beside the old Gloriamaris, I found myself walking into a small group of streetfolks. Some had fishing poles cast into the murky water, others seemed to enjoy swimming in the polluted sea. A lone boat lay motionless in the black water. A stocky boy in his board shorts precariously stepped on one wobbly rock at a time until he got to a portion of the wall low and angled enough to climb up on. He didn't look like he was one of them (for starters, he looked well-fed). A toddler ran around the path, oblivious to the danger of falling into the rocks. Amidst all this life bubbling around me, I was engulfed by the peaceful lullaby of the movement of the vast sea.

It was quiet. And beautiful. I paused to look out and see how far I've walked (and how far I was from Rosy's Pancit Malabon where I planned to have lunch). MOA is the distant island almost straight ahead; the building on the left was the Philippine Plaza (now Sofitel). On a whim, I walked back to land and proceeded to the hotel. I breezed through security (I only had my cellphone with me; they mistook me for a booked guest who took a leisure walk). In moments I was listening to house music, imagining I was in a resort a few steps away from the powdery sands of Boracay.

I confidently strode into the poolside. I walked to a vacant sun chair near the edge and found myself inside the caged luxury which I saw from afar only a few minutes ago with the poorest of the poor. Now I was surrounded by the elite, all but one appeared foreign to me. Look at the boy on the rightmost edge of the picture. It was the same lad who was tiptoeing on the dirty waters! Perhaps he tried to save a toy that inadverdently got tossed into the muck.

As I lay on the sun chair and closed my eyes, I tried to bask in the comfort of the rich. Somehow, the solitude was not as profound as what I experienced from outside. It seemed superficial and fleeting. I did not feel free. Or maybe I was also worried I might blow my cover anytime and be shamefully escorted out of the hotel premises. At any rate, I was done.

I walked back to my car, drove back to Macapagal, met S in MOA who just wowed a client, and was gleefully treated to Rosy's. I almost ate rice again, but just allowed my taste buds to appreciate the pancit malabon solo. Just the way Dad and I ate during our Saturday trips to the palengke in Concepcion in the 80s, I consumed my pancit with a piece of camachile-shaped cookie and a bottle of regular coke, with a hearty serving of tokwa't baboy on the side. YUM!

Can't wait for the next weekend vacation! What will my future be? I wonder.... ;)

weekends, long weekends and week-breaks part 1

This is becoming a habit.

I've always loved going places on foot, especially since I don't know how to bike (*hint, hint!* paturo naman!), and now driving has taken me to greater distances beyond my walking threshold.

Lately, I've found myself making excuses to take long trips on the road, or long walks on familiar pavements. I make it a point to walk around the UP Oval at least once a week for a couple of hours or so, not just for the exercise (after all, it's beach season), but also to have some quiet time for myself.

Last Monday, I took a roadtrip to Antipolo, my second attempt to explore the famed "Pilgrimage City". The first one a few years back was too disappointing that I almost didn't want to go there again. I took a gamble. On a Monday. On People Power Monday.

There still was heavy traffic, I had to drop off something at work, I barely slept the night before and breakfast was skipped, the trip started a few hours late, and the summer heat was upon us as we walked. I realised that there was a choice to be stressed out or to overwhelm oneself with the excitement of a fresh adventure. It makes a world of a difference to choose the latter. I think I got to discover more things. Went to MMLDC to see birds of all sizes, sampled some nuts and ate a man's adobo. I've consumed gazillions of suman in my young life, but somehow the enticing invitation of "tikim bago bili" just made the sticky rice sweeter than usual. (Yes, I ate rice. Sweet, sugar-coated sticky suman rice. BAD.) And arnibal-covered pinipig bars! It's been ages since I sunk my teeth into a crunchy bar. I felt like I was 8 again :)

Antipolo Church was quieter than the last time I was there -- then again, it was a regular weekday so I guess more people were too busy filing paperwork to go on a pilgrimage. I was educated on the huge structure that adorned the focal/altar area. The design was adapted from traditional but didn't quite meet Vatican standards as it probably was drawn from memory by the local artists. The paintings had muted colors which might have resulted from a strictly imposed (read: impossibly cheap) budget for the impoverished yet skillful Angono painters.

Nevertheless, I could see how the church could easily harness its exotic beauty in wedding photographs and glisten like a lone crystal clear waterdrop of what was once a glorious waterfall. Not unlike Hinulugang Taktak, which we steered clear of after seeing its pathetic state just by the entrance to the "national park".

The day was capped by a sandwich and chips and (watered down) iced tea merienda at the UP Ampitheater. The sun was still shining brightly while it slowly made its descent into the horizon; the acacia leaves shimmering like a bejeweled canopy above the Oval. It was such a perfect scene, I had to say it to be heard.

I almost forgot how lovely the campus looked like in the afternoon! I wish I had this moment when I was still in college. Maybe things could have been pleasantly different.

Kevin!!!

The search is over for our dear blockmate Kevin!! We finally found him after years of planning an ambush visit to the home address he registered for the college yearbook. Buti doon pa sya nakatira!


Our gang had always thought about Kevin. On grad ball night when he wasn't around, we had a balloon with his name scrawled on it on our table. Everytime we got together we'd wonder about him. We tried googling, searching on Friendster and YM, but in the world of online identities, he was off the map. Some casually inquired about him from MaSci friends to no avail. Marvin attempted to call his landline but was met with a suspiciously unsure reply ("ah, wala sya, nag-abroad na yata yun."). He never called again.

And so, a few years back, along with the perennial wish to go vacationing Baguio as a barkada, we pondered on the idea of a roadtrip with a mission: to find Kevin Anthony Solayao. Nobody knew the ins and outs of Valenzuela so we figured it would probably take an entire weekend to strategise and actually get on the road. Then, out of the blue, in the middle of eating dinner at Teriyaki Boy last Friday, Marvin asked when we would probably have time to find Kevin once and for all.

"I'm free the entire day tomorrow," I replied as I ate from my rice bowl (yes, I ate rice that night). And just a few hours after we left Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf in Gateway, Wilmer and Marvin were at my house a bit before 6am to finally commence our "manhunt".

We had no leads except the address on the yearbook and vague memories of directions to his house. Along Tandang Sora Avenue extension we went, with Wilmer driving my car and Marvin looking at the map and dictating the address. Wilmer wondered aloud,

"San kaya yung Gen. T?"

Suddenly, in big, bold letters was the name of the school in front of us :
GEN T DE LEON NATIONAL HIGH SCHOOL

Wow. Now all we had to look for was Demetillo Street. Lo and behold, a few meters from the school was a signboard that read:
EDUARDO DEMETILLO COMPOUND

We laughed at how the names on Kevin's address seemed to sprout from nowhere. At this point we asked for directions.

They said that Kevin's house was on the farther portion of Demetillo (apparently, there was more than one entry to this street).

We were laughing at the fact that Valenzuela wasn't as far away as we thought. Nagbaon pa kami ng sitsirya (nakakatawa ang spelling) na hindi rin naman namin nakain. At biglang naalalang wala kami man lang dala para kay Kevin! We figured maybe he'd like the mini mandarin oranges...or maybe he'll be happy just by seeing us again.

And then, there it was. Demetillo Street, with house numbers leading to 5222.


While walking, our excitement grew more and more.

Ito na talaga!
Pa'no namin siya babatiin?
Gising na kaya siya?
Baka wala siya dyan for the holidays?

Or worst of all, baka iniwasan nya talaga kami kaya siya nawala at hindi siya matuwang makita kami ulit?

Fishing na yung huli. Pero kabado kami.

At ayan na nga, we reached 5222...A and B! Hala! Alin dito? Sabi ni Marvin, "Yung may tindahan, naalala ko may tindahan ang bahay niya!"

Eh parehong may tindahan.

We decided to try 5222-A. The man who answered at the gate was unmistakably Kevin's dad even if he hadn't told us yet -- kamukha niya sobra! We introduced ourselves and asked if he was around. Kevin was at work on night shift, which meant that he was on his way home.
"Kung ipapasok ninyo ang kotse nyo, baka masalubong nyo pa sya sa daan, " he added. Kevin's mom met us outside of the house, too, and was giddy about the surprise visit. She texted him and told us that he was still on MacArthur Highway. Malapit na :)

When Kevin finally opened the screen door leading to the sala, we were ecstatic! He may have been a bit haggard from working since 10pm to 6am, but he said,

"I'm impressed. Pleasant surprise talaga. Akala ko nagkamali ang mommy ko sa text!"

Over a hearty breakfast composed of lasagna, banana bread, peach graham float and fruit salad, we exchanged stories. He works at the Treasury department in Pagcor (hebigat talaga si Kevin). He has a girlfriend. His day off is Monday. And he still knew where we all live!!!
Kami naman, update to death on the latest about N5. So ngayon mas marami na siyang alam kaysa kay Joa nyahahaha. Phone patch pa to Kathy and Iris courtesy of Marvin's mobile!

And then it was time to go. Galing pa nga naman pala si Kevin sa trabaho, wala pang tulog.



So, with the high-fives, a beso and a promise to see each other on a Monday (or to take a leave on a Sunday afternoon para kasama si Wilmer), we bade Kevin a see-you-later.

And in about 30 minutes, we were back at my house. Anubaz! Ang lapit lang pala. Mas malayo pa ang bahay naming lahat to each other compared to that.

Mission accomplished. :)

I'd come running to see you again.

I was ready to sleep through another night alone in the house last Saturday when I suddenly heard someone open the gate just when I was about to alight from my car. It was D!

"What are you doing here?", I asked as he ran into my arms.

"I'm eating dinner here!"

"Really? What are you having for dinner?"

"Whatever you're cooking."

Yay. Our helper was on leave. Good thing he had a weakness for hotdogs.

After dinner we decided to watch YouTube together. His mom warned me that he might try clicking on "non-kid-friendly cartoons" so I patiently guarded him while he browsed through some Lego stop-motion movies. He clicked on a set of videos (see website here), which I found funny. Some, however, weren't really for 8-year-olds. I told D to just choose those that had "clean" storylines (eg. no derogatory or cuss words).

"But, Tita Chrise, the videos are only funny when they have bad words in them!"

He had a point. I figured, he's quite mature anyway, so I might as well just "supervise" while watching with him. It was all ok until we came across one clip and he asked,

"Tita Chrise, what's 'crack'?"

"Uh...hey, let's go to Jollibee and get some sundaes first, ok?"

His face lighted up as I grabbed the car keys and drove with him to buy our close-to-midnight snacks.

Whew. He had more questions in the morning that I'd rather not post anymore, except for one reply to a nosy inquiry:

"Cool. You have an enemy!"

I love being an aunt to this boy. :)

I'll remember.

Allow me to linger on the memory of you today.

In my mind, the first day I saw you is as fresh as the thought of yesterday.

You were radiant as you were simple; gracious as you were serene.

I instantly loved you. I would have wanted to stroll along hospital walkways with you if I continued my studies in that direction. I enjoyed listening to stories of you, especially the early years in Baguio with the rest of the family I had grown to love too.

Your car was my favorite, and only now do I realise that my own car is blue too, like yours.

I miss your thoughtfulness, how you would invite me to eat or check if I have a ride home. Merienda at Jollibee would always remind me of you.

When the time came when you no longer remembered me, I kept on thinking about you. I could not tell you how much I loved you, because I had become an unwilling stranger. Yet I still prayed for you. And I still pray for you.

It has been a year today since you left. Though we were almost but not quite bound as family, you will always be the one I learned the most from. You are one of the reasons why I survive being alone. You were the gentle strength that kept me standing in spite of the crushing difficulties at home. You were the inspiration that empowered my prayers to bring my father back in the pink of health. And you are the silver lining that reminds me to trust God's plan and to see the good in every event that comes -- or fails to come -- in my life.



Thank you, Lola Bella. You will always be remembered and loved.

December.

I found this song on YouTube when I was looking for a nice video for Christmas. It's quite a long track, embellished here and there, which makes it a perfect accompaniment for Final Fantasy X (though I'm not sure whether this was officially included in the game). If you're curious, watch the video here.

I remember this song for another reason, though. I had a tape (retro!) of this album by Kenny Loggins ten years ago, and it was one of those albums I kept in my dad's car for him to listen to. One time we were on our way to fetch my sister from a high school recollection along Tandang Sora, and this was playing in the background while we were on the road. Suddenly Dad noticed the street we were going into was familiar, and asked me,

"Hindi ba't nandito ang bahay ni ?"

"Opo."

"Bakit nga pala hindi na siya pumupunta sa atin?"

"Wala na po kami, Daddy." We had recently broken up less than a month ago then.

He paused, decelerated the car, looked at me and gently said,

"Kaya pala malungkot ang anak ko. Pasko pa naman."

I wanted to sigh and say thanks for stating the obvious, but it was too early for me not to be affected. I was only 19, but was usually expected to act older than my years, and that meant not showing any sign of weakness, especially when it came to boyfriend issues. Yet for a moment while riding on that bumpy road, I was allowed to acknowledge losing a love I tried to fight for. Daddy remained silent, while I shed my tears as clandestinely as I could.

As I listened to it tonight, it struck me again, albeit differently. Whilst a decade ago I was dwelling on how to nurse a broken heart, today I discover that Christmas is when that big, empty space in my heart is given a lot to be filled with. Daddy would probably say the same thing to me now and I would still stop myself from sighing, because now I find that It's not so much of being alone as it is being available for more people in need.

Going home from Hangad's Isabela concert last weekend and from an office outreach activity today gave me a sense of purpose: I, my family, my job and my friends remain, because of the strength of a collective love that is meant to be shared, celebrated, and sung. This love, which began many Decembers ago, is what brings us the hope of sunrise after a dark night.

This season may have a few poignant moments for me, but for the most part I am still overwhelmed with gratitude for everything good that has happened in 2008, and truly hopeful for a brighter 2009.

Happy Christmas, everyone.

December
Kenny Loggins
released 1998

Once upon a dream
Moonlit wings come into view
Winter casts her spell
And all the world is born anew
A child sees a star through a window
He knows with all his heart
That wonder is coming
Waiting
Hoping
Believing

Only in December
Are hearts so full
Or feel more alone
Could it be the same
For everyone

Only in December
Can the broken heart
Feel so alive
And the autumn ashes
Become the fires of December
Can I be inside
And out of the cold
Still I know
December always leads me home

I still believe in magic
Always leads me home
And I still believe in miracles, yes
Still believe in Christmas
I still believe in love

Storia Di Noi Due.

It has come full circle. And it has brought me back to this.

I was hoping it would be movie-like, that we'd be Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfeiffer in "The Story of Us".

There's a history here. And histories don't happen overnight.

Alas, you never really caught on my flair for drama. You just didn't like staring at closure in the eye when you left me hanging on for dear life in your 6-month silence. God knows when you finally decided to end "waiting forever" for me, after trying to make amends about a couple of months ago while you were still enveloped in your idle loneliness.

But what I do know is, when one falls in love, and falls really hard, the length of time is never a question. A month may seem too short, but at this point, it had to happen sooner or later. Even I admitted to you that there is someone else in my life now who is waiting in line and who just might have a chance. I just wish you endowed to me the same courtesy to hear it from you.

So, Carlsen, I hope that this new love is the one that will finally sweep you off your feet, that one I've been telling you that you will go crazy about, the one that will give you a feeling that has neither rhyme nor reason. The one that I knew all along was never me.

And maybe, in the future, if our paths cross again, I hope I see it in your eyes that the bliss of loving selflessly is well worth its risks, because for me, it always, always, is.

i'm the man who can't be moved.

I saw scenes of Cinema Paradiso from a TV in Eastwood Fuente Circle while waiting for Lala's second set about two weeks ago. I told my 2 guy pals that I haven't met a man like Salvatore who would wait out for days and nights, even in the rain, in faith that his beloved Elena's bedroom window will open and fill his heart with hope of love's reciprocity.

This idea of courtship was brought up again during Hangad's anniversary mass when Fr. Nono said that boys used to "make igib from the poso" (sosyal si Father?), get firewood and take pains just to win a girl's affections.

I was raised by parents who believed it unwise for a woman to declare her feelings for a man unless it is the proper time to do so, though they were not too clear about when that would actually happen. My mom even told me that I should look for someone who loves me for than I do him, because, "in time, it will always even out". I say it never does. Or, at least, not to me.

My first love blossomed from a friendship but died a natural death. In its final days I was waiting by my window, hoping to see a Salvatore in the rain outside my house. He did come, but I was forbidden by my mother to see him, out of respect for myself and to help me heal. Eventually he got the idea that I wasn't interested anymore, and apparently, neither was he.

My second and longest relationship so far was, supposedly, one that fulfilled my parents' expectations. I said yes to a boy who had been wooing me for a semester and a half, who was unsure of his chances with me. I thought I had met my Salvatore. My love for him developed as the years passed, and it grew until we found ourselves in a community of friends and family bound by our relationship. We had our share of major fights but managed to get back in each other's arms because we were happy together, until that fateful Thursday night when I stepped out of his car because he wasn't too pleased about having to bring me home so late. I asked if he still loved me or not. He answered with a painful silence that haunts me up to now.

A branch relocation, my dad's bypass surgery and 6 months later, I suddenly saw him in front of my house, with a bag of pasalubong and a note that he read to me in tears. He still loved me, he said. He was foolish, he was unworthy, and he wanted to woo me back. This time, I didn't need my mother's stern warning. I said no. And I remember him saying that he would still be there even if I said no. And for about a couple of months, he made my family believe that he was sincere by texting my mom every so often, bringing food to the house, texting me everyday even if I didn't always reply, and calling me on the phone. I was civil, and at times I think I was even quite accommodating. Then, all of a sudden, he was nowhere to be found. Some friends speculated that he probably got a new girlfriend, or maybe he got busy with work. I said to myself, there is no Salvatore.

But today, after talking to our helper (who has been with us since I was small), I realised something. She said that it's not hard for anyone to fall for me because I'm the one who waits for them, I'm the one who slows down my pace so they could catch up, I'm the one who forgets herself and stands out in the rain for them.

Ako pala si Salvatore.

Lucky is the man who gets to be my Elena.

what i wouldn't give to meet a kindred.

kawawa naman si alanis morrissette...she could never go back 10 years to the peak of her talent before she wasted away with ryan reynolds, who left her anyway.

*******
"OK, well this was my thought: 50,000 years ago, there are not even a million people on the planet. 10,000 years ago, there's, like, two million people on the planet. Now there's between five and six billion people on the planet, right? Now, if we all have our own, like, individual, unique soul, right, where do they all come from? You know, are modern souls only a fraction of the original souls? 'Cause if they are, that represents a 5,000 to 1 split of each soul in the last 50,000 years, which is, like, a blip in the Earth's time. OK, well this was my thought: 50,000 years ago, there are not even a million people on the planet. 10,000 years ago, there's, like, two million people on the planet. Now there's between five and six billion people on the planet, right? Now, if we all have our own, like, individual, unique soul, right, where do they all come from? You know, are modern souls only a fraction of the original souls? 'Cause if they are, that represents a 5,000 to 1 split of each soul in the last 50,000 years, which is, like, a blip in the Earth's time.You know, so at best we're like these tiny fractions of people, you know, walking... I mean, is that why we're so scattered? You know, is that why we're all so specialized?"

-- Jesse, as portrayed by Ethan Hawke in the film Before Sunrise, 1995

(alam ko, nosebleed....)

*******

I was watching Big Stan in Trinoma last night when I suddenly felt my heart beat faster. It definitely wasn't because I was excited about the movie (Rob Schneider movies must never, ever, be a medium to relieve stress), but I felt a bit panicky. I did have a tall caramel macchiato in the morning and another tall caramel latte in the moviehouse, so it could just have been the caffeine. Just to be on the safe side, I tried calling a friend's mobile number which had been out of reach for hours, and texted my mom as well thinking that there might be something happening at home that made me feel a bit tense.

It turned out that my friend was held up at gunpoint by 5 armed men in a bus, along with the other passengers at around that time in Ayala Avenue. They didn't get his cellphone because its battery was empty already and it was stuffed way under his bag, but they got his wallet which had important IDs and his cash. But, at least, other than a slight struggle with the wallet chained to his pants, he was physically unharmed; though "feeling stressed" would probably be an understatement after all that.

Buti na lang that fraction of a soul stirred a bit inside me. Or maybe it was just the coffee.

miss aniston needs a breather.

Found out from the web and on radio that Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer have called it quits. I'm not really a big fan of either Jen or John, but one can't help but feel for the girl while her former husband is raking millions of dollars for photo rights to the newest additions to the Jolie-Pitt superfamily.

She can learn a thing or two from this movie she made with another failed fling. Haba kasi ng hair, noh? Usap tayo mare. Tulungan kita mag-cope.

HANGAD: NOON AT NGAYON

sana makapanood kayo :)


"Kung aawit ako nang mag-isa, awit ko'y awitin nga ba?"

Block off your calendars for Hangad: Noon at Ngayon, a 10th anniversary
concert for Hangad's first album titled "Hangad". The show will feature
inspirational and liturgical standards from Hangad's repertoire -- some
in their original form, others with fresh new arrangements -- such as
Panunumpa, Pananatili, and Pag-Ibig Ko.

Moreover, the show features the launch of a commemorative 5-track CD,
also titled Hangad: Noon at Ngayon, featuring new arrangements of
well-loved songs mostly from Hangad's first album, plus the first-time
release of the upbeat "Walang Ibang Hangad."

Hangad : Noon at Ngayon
will be held at 7 PM on August 30, 31 and
September 7, 2008, at the St Stanislaus Chapel of the Ateneo High
School, Ateneo de Manila University, Katipunan Ave., Loyola Heights,
Quezon City.


Tickets are at Php150, which covers entrance to the show and a copy of
the commemorative CD "Hangad: Noon at Ngayon." Additional "Hangad: Noon
at Ngayon" CD's can be purchased at Php100 each.


"Habambuhay isa ang Hangad: umawit sa "Yo!"


Visit us at www.hangad.com or email us at mail@hangad.com

Death to mush.

This made me laugh. Ganito ka ba? ;p

********************************

True Friendship

(none of that Sissy Crap)

Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the hateful bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much w

orse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well a

gain. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".

Friendship is like peeing your pants,

everyone can see it,

But only you can feel the true warmth.

Send this to 10 of your closest friends,

Then get depressed because

you can only think

of 4.

And smile, because I thought of you!!!

Thanks for being a friend =)

6 piece chicken conversations and concert-crashers.

High school was not the happiest place to be if you weren't popular, pretty and pole-thin. Yet somehow, amidst all the angst, the peer pressure and the struggle for grades, solid-as-rock friendships get you through everything regardless if you're in the clique of the prom queens, the league of overachieving academics or in the locker corner of the offbeats, and the bond is so strong it stays long after you've quit your first job or obtained that second degree.

Just last Friday, I drove all the way to Rockwell from Quezon Ave just to have a KFC takeout dinner at a high school barkada's apartment. We enjoyed a few laughs watching comedy skits, talking nonstop with another barkada over the phone and swapping stories about crushes, just like old times. This time, though, the TV was YouTube, we were burning mobile phone lines instead of landlines and crushes were no longer blue- or green-blooded but blue- or white-collared, hahaha ;p

The following evening, I went out with another friend to watch a fundraising concert at a bar in Ortigas. The bar owner is his high school barkada, and we got in for free :) Nagkumustahan sila about batchmates, family and how it felt to watch newbloods perform while they sit at the sidelines instead of performing themselves. Unfortunately, there were a couple of anonymous sluts who shared our table, ordered sisig and some drinks and left without settling their tab! Kawawa naman si owner...akala nya kasama namin (actually I had no idea how they got to our table when I came back from the CR -- probably tried to flirt thinking my friend was alone). Kainis diba? We left on a happy note naman, after watching a spectacular performance by all the bands who participated, most noteworthy of all was Yosha, which was the reason why I came and stayed from 9pm to 2am in the first place :) We also bumped into another classmate of his before we headed for home. Funny, I just realised this was the second bar we've been to that's owned by one of his high school batchmates! Hmm. Someday we'll set up our own at sila naman ang dadalaw, haha.

Thanks to the nuns in green skirts and the brothers in greenhills for the schools they built :)

uwian na, uwian na!

Sing the subject to the tune of "here comes the bride"...hahaha just like grade school days.

The endoscopy results show a few scars on the intestine which caused Dad's tummy trouble, while the biopsy results indicate NEGATIVE for malignancy.

YEHEY!

My brother's at the billing section as I type this...ako naman timing kung kailan naman ako nag-OT sa work saka pa na-clear si Daddy to go home. Uuwi na rin ako in a while!

Salamat ulit sa inyong mga dasal at suporta. Ang lakas n'yo talaga sa langit :)

my first teenage love affair

Got this from a friend's site. Do you remember feeling this way? ;)

Link

to break faith with You is to be no one.

begin reading this with a prayer that Dad’s biopsy results, due this evening, will show promise J

*********

I met a former client yesterday afternoon at the office. He was smiling and seemed genuinely delighted to see me, and I offered my assistance in facilitating his request which had to be relayed to the other branch. I invited him over for a chat, since I’ve known him and his wife for quite some time now, sharing personal stories while helping them manage their accounts. They’re in their late fifties and call each other “Ga” (short for pangga or "darling"), being the sweet Ilonggos that they are.

He fell ill a few years back and was found to have a large tumor growing in his brain. I remember his wife taking out a loan to shoulder the cost, and leaving her job as a school director to minimize stress-inducing situations. They visited me when he recovered, telling me the amusing story of him being operated on fully awake, and finding a sense of inner peace after being given a second chance at life. The last time I talked to them, they were even volunteering to help me find work in Australia should my plans to settle down and raise a family there push through J

He asked how I was, and I told him a bit of everything, mostly about my dad’s condition. From his experience with battling cancer, he assured me that we’ll live through this with God’s grace. I told him I’ve banished doubt in divine providence, knowing that everything does happen for a reason, and that faith has kept me going in recent months, because, honestly,

the reasons do come sprouting from nowhere, with my mind nodding, “ah, kaya pala.” J

His eyes suddenly welled up and told me God sees the good things that we do, and that I should never stop caring for my family. He wrote my dad’s name in his little notebook and promised to offer intentions in his community prayer.

Grace is the instrument that realizes hope.

let the pain bring on the rain.

dissonance is a migraine.

i've been here before, on the other side, when i was doing the asking and all i got was silence. who knows why silence was the choice and not "yes", "no", or "i don't know"? i felt confused, thinking about how selfish and heartless it was to leave me hanging over a precipice.

now that i'm the one being asked, i fall silent -- not because it's a selfish choice, but because i'm trying to keep it together.

i feel i'm betraying him for not saying what needs to be said, but i'm not sure if i am completely capable of handling everything that will result from spilling the beans, because i still don't have the complete picture with me anyway, and it might be harmful to him for me to bring about urgent but incomplete news. on the other hand, i cannot reconcile being pleased to see him smiling and walking around the house while dreading a threat in his body that needs to be acknowledged immediately. yes, it does not seem life-threatening for now on the outside, but who knows what damage it may cause until it's too late?

to my siblings who would rather keep daddy in the dark, i'm sorry, but dad has the right to know what's going on. and dad will only feel betrayed if we don't let him know about it. i'm pretty sure he's beginning to wonder why it's taking so long to hear anything.

to my siblings who wanted him to know about it yesterday, i'm sorry that we all had to succumb to the false hope of keeping daddy in a happy place for a few days before we fire him up again for another blow. it was decided upon on good intentions, but not all good intentions are sound. we are weak, we are tired, we are buying time from God, and we also wanted daddy to be able to take a long, deep breath before braving another storm.

so, we'll let him in on it bit by bit in the next few days before the doctor gives the formal interpretation on saturday.

hindi maipagkakailang masasaktan siya, pero marunong naman siya magpayong sa bagyo.
at dapat, tayo rin.

a few more winks, Daddy. promise :)

Dad's still at the hospital. His endoscopy results show something that isn't too good. We have a CT scan scheduled tomorrow to rule out anything else other than the lump in his intestine that is still not sure to be benign. Dad doesn't know it yet but we will break the news once we also get the CT scan results. He was actually in high spirits today, thinking that the endoscopy is only a "formality" and that he will be going home soon. Unfortunately, he will be on extended stay again until all procedures are done..

I ask for you all to pray for God's grace to enter Daddy's heart; he has been depressed by the complications of his operation and his weak muscles. He wants to drive to Trinoma and watch movies with us already, and is saddened with every dizzy spell or miscalculated step whenever he tries to walk on his own. He also told us prior to the endoscopy that should there be a need for another procedure, he would firmly not allow it because he feels his body has been examined, probed, sawed and poked at more enough times already.

Thanks again for the support! Malakas kasi kayo kay God kaya sa inyo kami muling lumalapit para malampasan natin ulit ito :)

stop and stare, i think i'm moving but i go nowhere

"Bakit ganito ang buhay ko ngayon?", my father asked me today as he looked at me from his bed as he lay shivering, his sad eyes wanting to hide under the blanket.

"It takes time, Dad. Matatapos din ito," I said, firmly believing that my optimism will rub off on him and get his body back on track.

Dad is confined at the hospital yet again tonight. We rushed him to the Heart Center's ER when we noticed he was pale, unable to eat and too weak to stand up on his own. Preliminary findings include high blood sugar levels and low hemoglobin count. CBC, CT scan and X-ray results are to be released this morning. From the looks of it, a blood transfusion will be necessary.

I ask you again, dear friends and family, to pray for his recovery. We'll win this fight once and for all!

sumapat kaya ang mula pagsikat hanggang paglubog ng araw?

"kung nagmamahal ka, pero hindi mo naman kasama araw-araw, at di ka rin sigurado kung babalikan ka, ano'ng tawag doon?"

"nagmamahal. kasi ang nagmamahal, nagtitiwala."

---- Celeste and Ploning, from the film Ploning by Dante Nico Garcia


I'm not sure if it helped me to watch this film, but it sure didn't feel like picking on old wounds. It actually recalled memories of Culion (never mind if the movie was shot in Cuyo, Palawan).

It's the Pinoy movie you should watch if you're deciding which of those showing now stands a chance against Iron Man.

(and, no, it does not compare AT ALL to Batanes, which should have just been a travelogue without the horrible script and equally horrible acting.)

Tapos, pakwento naman ng first five minutes, haha ;)